Dear Friends,
I'm extending my writing vacation one more month. Watch for a new insight in
October! In the meantime, enjoy Kick the Habit - another favorite of mine from
2006.
By the way, I'm officially the parent of a kindergartener. My five year old
marched off to kindergarten last week, wearing his new red backpack, his
favorite shirt and a proud grin.
My best to you!
Claudette
Kick the Habit
Habits have a bad rap. Most people think that habits either "should" be
gotten or "should" be eliminated. Yet, in reality, habits are simply behaviors
that show how we operate internally and externally.
Our lives are filled with habits - layer upon layer of habits. In most
situations, we have a usual tendency, or a habitual way of reacting to the highs
and lows of life. We also react to our habits. If we say we'll go to the gym
three times a week and don't, we have a habitual reaction to that. Perhaps we'll
say we'll never skip again. Maybe we'll beat ourselves up or make a list of 431
reasons why skipping the workouts was beyond our control.
Habits say a lot about yourself - what you care about, what makes you angry,
what makes you tick. Breaking those habits gives you lots and lots of choices in
life. YOU have the power to choose your reactions, choose the words that come of
your mouth, even choose your choices.
What am I talking about? When we hit a "same-old" situation or circumstances,
many of us let our minds slip into automatic pilot and we lose the ability to
consciously choose our reactions. It's like dropping a marble into a groove in
our brains over and over. Each time, the same old thoughts generate the same old
emotions, and we say or do the same old things - over and over and over again.
Sounds tiresome, doesn't it?
If you actually assessed how much reacting habitually costs you in
intellectual, emotional and physical energy, you'd stop right now. Today. There
would be no habit to even break.
Consider your habits:
- What do you give yourself?
- Where do you deprive yourself?
- How do you use food, alcohol, sex and money in your life?
- What are your emotions of choice?
- What are your default reactions?
- What assumptions do you make?
- How often do you make fear-based decisions?
- How often do you make decisions based in joy?
Which of your habits are knee-jerk responses? When you're in seemingly
identical circumstances, do you react in identical ways without stopping to
notice if the situation is actually the same? For example, is your response to a
potential conflict to run and hide under the nearest barrel? (If it smells like
conflict, looks like conflict ...it must be conflict). Do you react to stress
with a sprint for the closest candy bar?
Unconscious, habitual responses stop us from acknowledging and honoring what
we really think, feel and believe. They keep us from feeling uncomfortable, or
as mad, sad, bad or glad as we probably do. They are effective avoidance
techniques.
Instead try to form healthy habits like exercise, meditation, honoring your
feelings and taking good care of yourself. The level of consciousness is what
distinguishes these habits from the "knee-jerk" habits. Once exercise becomes a
firmly formed habit in your life, you can't do it unconsciously. You still have
to pack up your gym clothes and water bottle and drive to the gym or tie on your
tennis shoes and go out for a run. And after a while, certain positive habits do
become automatic, but don't mask thoughts, feelings and desires.
A note of caution: Watch out for healthy habits that become a "should." If
taking good care of yourself becomes a "should," it might become fear-driven
rather than motivated by the desire to give yourself what you deserve.
It's helpful to remember that everything you do is for a reason. You reengage
in your habits repeatedly because you get something out of doing it - pleasure,
pain, health, avoidance, repression, expression. We all do. Rather than being
hard on yourself because you didn't go the gym again, ask yourself what you got
out of staying home. Do you get to keep a comfortable identity - even if it's
not the one you want?
Look deeply at your habits and you'll find new information about yourself.
Look at the habits that you like and the habits that you don't; you'll find
where you're stuck, what you're avoiding, what energizes you, and what you
value. What could be better?
Starting today, form a new habit of examining your habits and you'll be
surprised at what you uncover - and discover - about yourself.
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Products & Services
If you liked today's issue, you'll love these services!
- Coaching with Claudette. Do have a habit you'd like to
kick or a new one you can't wait to form? Are you curious to
understand the motivation behind your habitual reactions?
Please contact me today for more information and to schedule your
introductory coaching session. Reach me directly at
781.316.1923 or
claudette@metavoice.org.
- Myers–Briggs Type Indicator. I'm a long time fan of the
MBTI – this instrument is one of the reasons I became a coach.
Here's how it works: I send you the MBTI, score it for you and
spend an hour with you (via phone) helping you apply the results
to your life – personally and professionally. For more
information, please visit
http://www.metavoice.org/mbriggs.
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Useful Resources
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