Caught in the Perfection Trap? Learn How to Untangle Yourself
Are you a perfectionist?
Here’s permission to stop pursuing perfection. Perfectionism is impossible.
We’re all imperfect.
Perfectionism leaves a trail of wreckage on our psyches, careers, families and
entire self-perceptions. Are you thinking, “Why should I change this? What’s
wrong with striving for perfection? Isn’t it the best course of action?”
Here’s the perfectionism problem: Perfectionism pushes us to chase the
unattainable. Then we chastise ourselves for never achieving our visions of
perfection – sparking a cycle of self-sabotage and procrastination. Along the
way, we miss potential opportunities. It’s hard to see clearly when we’re
focused on being perfect.
Perfectionism muffles our ability to hear our true dreams and desires. Listen to
our inner selves is critical to discovering life purpose, determining career
moves and discerning feelings about the relationships in our lives.
Wondering if you’re seeking perfection? These signals may say you are. You:
- Find yourself procrastinating.
- Don’t follow through on commitments.
- Feel stuck (feeling stuck covers a lot of territory, but can signal that
perfectionism is an obstacle).
- Are unable to come up with a “good” idea.
- Are challenged to take action.
- Beat yourself up for a “transgression” – based someone else’s comment or
something only you have noticed.
- Have difficulty accepting compliments or giving yourself credit for your
accomplishments.
- Make fear- or guilt-based decisions.
Oh sure, there are moments that feel perfect – often known as peak
experiences. At these times, we’re at our best, “in the zone,” experiencing
peace or amazement as our labors bear fruit. Perfectionism and a perfect moment
are different. Peak moments and experiences are not born of fear. They result
from passion, joy, perseverance and a strong belief in yourself. Perfectionism,
meanwhile, roots itself in the basic belief that we’re never good enough.
Perfectionism holds us back with a fear that we are inadequate, not enough and
somehow so flawed that we must reach for more. Fear cracks its whip and we call
back, “How high should I jump? Just tell me what to do and I’ll do it.”
Don’t confuse perfectionism with excellence. Pursuing excellence includes an
understanding that taking actions may also mean losing, failing and generally
messing up. People who excel (versus those who strive for perfection) accept
that they will make mistakes – and they learn from them. They’ll examine a
mistake objectively and ask themselves, “What could I differently or better next
time?”
Perfectionism can be subtle. It’s often ironic – the quest for perfectionism
makes us less perfect. We hold back and get less of what we want. True –
sometimes we make fewer mistakes, but these fewer mistakes come at a great cost.
Isn’t holding ourselves back from doing and saying what we want the biggest
mistake of all?
So starting today, let’s vow to give up the pursuit of perfectionism. We’re
imperfect – always have been and always will be. Life is messy – always has been
and always will be.
So… Go have fun, do what you want, be yourself. Really. What have you got to
lose?
return
to top
Savvy Resources
- Taming Your Gremlin by Richard Carson. This book is a classic and
incredibly useful. The “gremlin” is the inner critic voice in your mind that
fuels perfectionism. This book gives you tools and strategies for “taming”
your negative self-talk.
- Money Magazine – The September 2006 issue has two great articles on the
powers of possibility and mindset: “Road Trip to Riches and “Have You Got What
It Takes to Be Rich?”. Hint, hint: Perfectionism isn’t on the list.
return
to top
Insights for the Savvy is written and produced by Claudette Rowley. If you have questions or comments, please send them to
info@metavoice.org. To find out more about Claudette and her coaching services, visit
http://www.metavoice.org or call 781.316.1923.
Copyright 2002-2008, Claudette Rowley. All Rights Reserved.
MetaVoice, Inc.
125 Sylvia St.
Arlington, MA
02476
US
return
to top
