Deep Tissue Desires
The question of what I want has bubbled up frequently in recent
weeks. I've explored many facets of wanting: wanting more,
wanting less, wanting something different, wanting what I think
I can't have, and the challenge of giving myself permission to
want what I want.
In my estimation, here are the top eight reasons we don't give
ourselves what we want. Hint, hint - this is all about social
conditioning - or what you've absorbed from family, friends or
"experts" about "the way things should be."
You've lost touch with what you want and how you feel.
You're not willing to admit what you want.
You're afraid of what you want.
What you want runs headlong into someone else's opposing
desires or -- yikes!-- into their fear. This is an "outer
critic" showing up.
Your judgment or someone else's stops you in your tracks.
Your "inner critic" rears its noisy head, and says "Are you
crazy? You don't deserve that!"
You don't see that you already have what you want.
You simply can't give yourself permission to want it.
Here's what I'd like you to do right now: Take out a pen and
paper and make a list of all that you want, both internally and
externally. For example, a more internal desire might be inner
peace or self-acceptance, while an external desire might be a
fun new sofa or a fun new job. Write whatever comes to mind
without any censoring. NO CENSORING. Include everything from
wanting new socks to wanting to be more self-aware to wanting to
be the President of the United States. Make it a stretch: If you
can comfortably make a list of fifty desires, then make a list
of sixty. If one hundred is a piece of cake, I challenge you to
create a list of two hundred.
As you make your list, notice the following:
How do you FEEL? Do you feel excited about certain desires?
Guilty about others?
What physical sensations do you feel? Does it feel like someone
is tightening a noose around neck? Or do you feel like getting
up to dance?
As you write down each item, what words pop into your head?
For example, do you hear gems such as "Oh, that's the most
ridiculous thing I've ever heard!" or "You can't have that!
Who do you think you are? The Queen of Sheba?"
Now prioritize your list by picking your top ten desires. As
you look the top ten over, ask yourself again how you feel? What
voices do you hear in your head? What beliefs pop into your
mind? Where do you notice your social conditioning showing up?
How does your body feel? Do your top ten desires have a common
theme? What did you just become aware of?
At the end of day, what we want is usually pretty simple and
clear. It's our feelings and judgment that get in the way. The
social conditioning that tells us that we must live a certain
way, act a certain way and feel a certain way stops us from
acknowledging truthfully that which we want deeply - our deep
tissue desires.
How often do you give yourself what you want? How often do you
neglect this part of yourself - the very call of your soul?
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Now It's Your Turn
Different Voices
"There is only one success -- to be able to spend your life in
your own way." - Christopher Morley
"Often people attempt to live their lives backwards: they try to
have more things, or more money, in order to do more of what
they want so that they will be happier. The way it actually
works is in reverse. You must first be who you really are,
then, do what you need to do, in order to have what you
want." - Margaret Young
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Insights for the Savvy is written and produced by
Claudette Rowley. If you have questions or comments, please send
them to
info@metavoice.org. To
find out more about Claudette and her coaching services, visit
http://www.metavoice.org or call 781.676.5633.
Copyright 2002-2004, Claudette Rowley. All Rights Reserved.
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