Leadership Category

Float the goal

Many people stop short of setting goals because they’re concerned that if they don’t meet them, they’ll experience a sense of failure. I’d like to propose a remedy – it’s a strategy I call “float the goal.” Here’s how it works:

Step 1: Identify a goal. Write it down clearly and succinctly, and make sure it’s a goal that you can easily keep in your head, such as a dollar amount that you want to earn, the amount of weight you want to lose or the kind of friendship you want to develop.

Step 2: Periodically, “float” the goal in your mind. I mean – run the goal through your mind and simply observe it for a second or two. “Oh, that’s right. I want to earn $100,000 in 2011.” Then let it go by moving on to the next thought. Refrain from getting “attached” to the goal. Being attached to the goal sounds like “I’m afraid I won’t meet the goal” or “How will I ever meet this goal?” or “If I don’t meet it, I’m a failure.” Negative attachments will quickly catapult you down a mental rabbit hole that has no exit.

Step 3: Let go of “how.” With the “float the goal” strategy, “how” isn’t a requirement. Isn’t that nice? That’s one of the perks of the strategy that I love. In fact, “figuring out” how to achieve the goal is counterproductive. You want to set the goal, float it in your mind and move forward more intuitively, whether that’s through networking, marketing or researching. Keep taking action and putting your energy out there by – as the author Julia Cameron says – “shaking the trees.”

Step 4: Go out and have fun. You might be thinking – how does fun connect with accomplishing a goal? Let me explain. Sometimes when we’re having difficulty meeting a goal, we get tight, serious and start either berating ourselves or blaming external circumstances. All of these strategies are counterproductive. While an honest analysis of whether you’re taking the best actions can be beneficial — once you’ve reviewed your actions, go out and have fun. Lighten things up. Generate positive energy. Take a mental load off — a watched pot never boils and neither does a watched goal.

Step 5: Harvest positivity. This is the skill of active observation. Consciously choose to find and focus on the positive in any situation. You may have a lifelong habit of focusing on the negative in situations that aren’t to your liking, feel uncomfortable or unfamiliar. Again, a negative focus will steer you down an unproductive path. So identify the positive – once you do, you’ll feel like you have more control. There’s nothing like looking at an array of positive options to boost your spirits and create that “I’m in charge” feeling.

Step 6: Notice what you’re avoiding. “What we resist, persists.” I don’t know who originally uttered these words, but they are 100 percent true. What we resist or avoid, internally or externally, not only persists, it usually expands over time. Be brutally honest with yourself about what you’re avoiding at this very moment. And what do you tend to avoid time and time again? Once you have the answer, you can take action on it, which will open the pathway to meeting your goal with much greater ease. What could be better than ease?

Step 7: Go out and have fun. Seriously. Don’t forget to have fun! When in doubt, do something nice for yourself or for someone else. Change the energy – don’t let it stagnate. There’s nothing like the power of positive energy to smooth the pathway to attracting what you want in your life.

Remember, a goal is simply a direction, not necessarily a destination. We’re never really done. Once you reach one goal, the next goal or goals appear in your vision. Float your goals and watch the new, different and exciting results that float into your life. And get ready to expect the unexpected!

How’s your driving?

My grandmother drove with one foot on the gas and one foot on the brake. She got where she needed to go but I would guess with unnecessary friction and wear and tear on her car. How often do we make things harder than they need to be by accelerating and braking at the same time?

It’s an interesting question. According to my work with clients, many of us have general tendencies – some people hit the gas and go, some use my grandmother’s technique, and others keep the brakes on most of the time.  Certain life, leadership and business situations require different driving styles – the trick is to know when to apply each style. The first step is to understand your own natural tendency. For example, I’m usually a hit the accelerator, go and hope for the best kind of person. This style often works well for me and has helped me achieve many business and personal goals. Sometimes though I have to remember to slow down and even stop. Good self-awareness asks us to understand our natural tendencies and then know when to stretch and bend into other styles when the situation calls for it.

How do you drive through life and work? When and where are you being called to flex your style?

Spreading light

I keep this quote by Edith Wharton in my office — “There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it.”

There are probably a few ways to interpret this quote. But here’s how I take it. We each have the opportunity to make a difference in the lives of others. We can be the candle that ignites change, starts an initiative at work, or assumes a leadership position. We can also assume the role of the mirror – the one who helps others see their potential, supports a cause or follows a leader we respect.

In different aspects of your life or your work, you are most likely the candle sometimes and other times the mirror. Both are equally important, needed and required for equilibrium in any family, relationship or organization.

When are you the candle?

When are you the mirror?

How do each affect your life or your organization?

We’re all human

I discovered recently I was a day late in paying a credit card bill. This is unusual for me: I am a big believer in punctuality, particularly when finance charges and late fees are contingent upon it. I called the credit card company right away to pay the bill. I said to the gentleman on the other end of the line, “I’m really sorry about this. Is there any way the finance charges could be waived just this once?”  He agreed to waive them and said to me, “Ms. Rowley, we’re all human.”

What a gift he gave me that day. We are all human – we don’t have to be perfect, we can make mistakes and apologize for them.

This experience reconnected me to my fascination with the art of self-acceptance. I thought of the people in my personal life, my clients and the leaders and organizations I work with – what if we all saw each other from a 40,000 foot view — without judgment?

Here’s a vision that intrigues me: A world in which we treat ourselves and each other with compassion, tell the truth when it needs to be told, apologize when necessary and keep trying to grow as people.  How would that change the actions of every individual, relationship and organization?  How would that change you?

Under stress? Express yourself!

Have you ever noticed that under stress, we often communicate less effectively? The “under stress, we regress” syndrome kicks in and sometimes we might as well be speaking a foreign language. When our stress levels are heightened, even normally clear communication can get short circuited.

Stressful times are usually the most important times to communicate with clarity, consciousness and intention. Whether you’re at work or at home, focusing on how, when and where you communicate can make a noticeable difference in the reactions, connections and cooperation you get from others. Here are four tips for staying on the path to glitch-free communication:

1. Agree on your communication ground rules. Who do you communicate with frequently in your professional or personal lives? Identify these people and consider designing your communication with them. In other words, how do you want to handle conflict or tension between you? What’s the atmosphere you want to create in the relationship? What are other “rules” that you want to consciously agree on? This strategy can be used effectively in one on one relationships and with teams or groups.
    
2. Stay off the horsemen. Dr. John Gottman, author and researcher, describes the “Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse” in communication: defensiveness, blame/criticism, stonewalling and contempt. Whenever we mount one of these “horses”, we’ve ceased to listen or truly communicate. I encourage you to notice the role these four horses play in your life. When confronted with a sensitive issue, do you tend to get defensive? When you’re upset or angry, do you stonewall? How effective is your and others’ communication at that point?
    
3. If the answer doesn’t have energy, it’s the wrong answer. Whether you’re communicating with yourself, one other person or a whole group, if the answer you come up with doesn’t heighten the energy, make people feel better or open a new host of possibilities, there’s a good chance it’ s the wrong answer. A right answer – even if it might require tough actions-has energy, hope and a sense of potential.
    
4. If you’re confused, so is everyone else. Whether you’re in a business relationship or a personal one, if you’re feeling unclear about what you’re communicating or the best way to communicate it, the recipients of your communication will feel as confused as you do. It’s important to get clear about the message you intend to convey. Be a transparent communicator. People can’t discern the intentions, the goal or even the history behind your communication unless you tell them. Consider erring on the side of “over- communicating” and observe the results.

Use the tips above to brush up, augment or refresh your communication. Communication is one of the most basic ways that we relate as humans and we do it all day long, so it behooves us to make it as clear, easy and intentional as we can. The ability to communicate your intentions, thoughts and feelings is one of the powerful ways you can express yourself. So the next time you’re under stress, express!

The power of perspective

I’m working hard on business development right now, and I’m loving it – I’m meeting great people, my mind is popping with new ideas, and I’m intrigued by the possibilities. And I’m struck over and over by the power of perspective – how simply a slight shift in perspective can change an entire situation. If I search for the positive, it magnifies. If I focus on the negative, it magnifies. Even in challenging situations, I keep finding something positive which leads to a positive action which leads to the next positive action. When I notice that my mood is dark, then I take a break. When I have a new idea, I act on it or write it down for later. Everything I’ve described is leading me to greater and better risk taking and greater and better outcomes.

What’s your perspective and how does it affect your thoughts, mood and actions?

Four Secrets to Success

Businesses and careers cycle through ups and downs, there’s no doubt. Throughout my tenure as an entrepreneur, I’ve observed four myths that stop professionals from being as successful as they could be in their careers. Understanding how these myths operate can help you ride the waves to success with a little more balance and equanimity.

Myth #1: Never give up.

I’m the first to acknowledge that – without a doubt – determination and persistence are fundamental to success in business. However persistence with blinders on can end in disaster. There’s wisdom to the poker saying “Know when to hold ‘em, know when to fold ‘em”. Some circumstances call for moving on, and some circumstances require holding on past what seems endurable.  The secret is to know the difference — look at the situation with an honest eye, discern the signals to hold and understand when to fold.

Myth #2: If it’s not hard, it’s not valuable.

This myth is among the most prevalent that I hear. I’m not sure how the concepts of “hard” and “value” got connected, but they’ve kept many professionals feeling like puppies chasing their tail.  In other words, the intrinsic value of your work has nothing to do with how hard you worked or how easily it came to you. What you produce, the impact you make and how you contribute determine the value of your work.

Myth #3: If it’s right, it should be easy.

Other versions of this myth: “Everyone needs my service, why don’t they hire me?” or “I shouldn’t need to market myself, everyone should just know how great I am and hire me.” This myth boils down to the hope that by being good at what you do, job offers and great careers moves will just show up.  In reality, opportunity tends to knock when you are in the right field, plan your strategy, listen to your gut, heed the advice of those you trust, and take the right actions.

Myth #4: Be realistic. Be logical.

This myth can effectively block new ideas, strategies or brainstorms, often in the form of a thought like, “Oh, that’s crazy” or “I need to be logical”. Thoughts like these repress the spark of creativity that generates a new idea. Release this block by balancing your creativity and intuition with your logic. There’s left brain, analytical logic and right brain, creative logic. Make sure to give credence to both sides.

The secret to success: Don’t buy into the myths. Buy into your worth, believe in your skills, gifts, and talents, and know when to keep going and when to change course.

The business of communication

Question: What is considered one of the most important work traits, but seldom is fully addressed?

Answer: You guessed it – Communication!

What is the purpose of communication? Is it simply an exchange of information or is there more to it? 

I believe it’s multi-layered. When we communicate, not only do we exchange information, we seek to understand or to be understood. We communicate to build relationships, to work through conflict and tension, and to connect with others in a way that’s mutually beneficial. 

Regardless whether communicating comes easily or is a challenging endeavor, most of us can use a periodic review of efficient communication strategies. Communication in the workplace – and even outside of work – can be fraught with tension, power struggles and personality conflicts.  

Of course, you can only control what and how you communicate. You can’t control a colleague’s reaction to your idea or the outcome of a conversation with your manager. But you may be able to positively influence other peoples’ reactions and the final outcome by being skillful in your own communication style.

Effective communication requires a look at both your communication mindset and the communication “tools” at your disposal.

 Mindset

-          What’s the purpose of the communication? Be clear in your own mind what you’d like the outcome to be.

-          Watch for defensiveness – yours or the other person’s. Once someone is defensive, they can no longer hear you.

-          Be sure that you’re more invested in effective communication than you are in being right. Why? Because when being right becomes most important, you stop listening.

-          As much as possible, attempt to understand what’s important to the other person.

-          Ask yourself, “How will this person best hear what I have to say?”

Tools

- Use active listening. This can include reflecting back what you’ve heard and asking clarifying questions.

- Turn off any pre-judgments and assumptions about the other person. As much as possible, keep an open, neutral frame of mind.

- Look for the “good.” Thank the other person for the gifts and contributions he or she has made to you personally or to the organization.

- Body language. Be aware of the impact of your body language. And notice the information other people’s body language gives you.

- Facial expression. Again, be aware of your facial expression and the expressions of others.

- Tone of voice. How many of us have been told, “It’s not what you said, it’s how you said it.” Your tone of voice is a powerful tool. Try to keep your tone neutral.

- “Act as if.”  Even if the thought of asking your manager for a raise is enough to make your stomach do somersaults, acting confident will make you look and feel confident. Don’t believe me? Smile a big smile and watch how your body responds. During your meeting, watch your body language, tone of voice and the words you choose. Prepare in advance. People will unconsciously respond to your presence even more than your words.

Heighten your awareness of your mindset and the communications tools at your disposal. You’ll build bridges, help people work together better and reduce negative reactions.

 At its very best, effective communication is simply a more efficient way to operate within your organization.