Career Coaching Category

Turn, turn, turn — the nature of transitions

According to William Bridges (author of several very good books on personal and organizational transition) transition is the psychological process of adapting to change. On its surface, change appears situational –such moving to a new city, taking a new job or having a new baby. It’s the underpinnings of these changes – called transition – that causes us to resist change. Of course, the process of transition itself brings us the greatest gifts. For example, often the very things we want in our lives are achieved by the process of transition.

In order to journey through transition, we first have to let go of an old way of being.  En route to embracing a new way of being, we spend time in the “neutral zone”. The neutral zone is limbo – we’re out of the old but not into the new.  The neutral zone is simultaneously very uncomfortable and full of learning, growth and evolution. No one likes to be there, but it’s a treasure chest of growth.

Here’s the paradox we all face: Change ensures the continuity that most of us want. And what we want to hold on to was itself once achieved by change, which brings us to the question “What do we need to let go of to have more of what we want?”

There’s a quote by M. Scott Peck that I love because it captures the essence of change so well: “The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when are we are feeling uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers.”

Spreading light

I keep this quote by Edith Wharton in my office — “There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it.”

There are probably a few ways to interpret this quote. But here’s how I take it. We each have the opportunity to make a difference in the lives of others. We can be the candle that ignites change, starts an initiative at work, or assumes a leadership position. We can also assume the role of the mirror – the one who helps others see their potential, supports a cause or follows a leader we respect.

In different aspects of your life or your work, you are most likely the candle sometimes and other times the mirror. Both are equally important, needed and required for equilibrium in any family, relationship or organization.

When are you the candle?

When are you the mirror?

How do each affect your life or your organization?

Under stress? Express yourself!

Have you ever noticed that under stress, we often communicate less effectively? The “under stress, we regress” syndrome kicks in and sometimes we might as well be speaking a foreign language. When our stress levels are heightened, even normally clear communication can get short circuited.

Stressful times are usually the most important times to communicate with clarity, consciousness and intention. Whether you’re at work or at home, focusing on how, when and where you communicate can make a noticeable difference in the reactions, connections and cooperation you get from others. Here are four tips for staying on the path to glitch-free communication:

1. Agree on your communication ground rules. Who do you communicate with frequently in your professional or personal lives? Identify these people and consider designing your communication with them. In other words, how do you want to handle conflict or tension between you? What’s the atmosphere you want to create in the relationship? What are other “rules” that you want to consciously agree on? This strategy can be used effectively in one on one relationships and with teams or groups.
    
2. Stay off the horsemen. Dr. John Gottman, author and researcher, describes the “Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse” in communication: defensiveness, blame/criticism, stonewalling and contempt. Whenever we mount one of these “horses”, we’ve ceased to listen or truly communicate. I encourage you to notice the role these four horses play in your life. When confronted with a sensitive issue, do you tend to get defensive? When you’re upset or angry, do you stonewall? How effective is your and others’ communication at that point?
    
3. If the answer doesn’t have energy, it’s the wrong answer. Whether you’re communicating with yourself, one other person or a whole group, if the answer you come up with doesn’t heighten the energy, make people feel better or open a new host of possibilities, there’s a good chance it’ s the wrong answer. A right answer – even if it might require tough actions-has energy, hope and a sense of potential.
    
4. If you’re confused, so is everyone else. Whether you’re in a business relationship or a personal one, if you’re feeling unclear about what you’re communicating or the best way to communicate it, the recipients of your communication will feel as confused as you do. It’s important to get clear about the message you intend to convey. Be a transparent communicator. People can’t discern the intentions, the goal or even the history behind your communication unless you tell them. Consider erring on the side of “over- communicating” and observe the results.

Use the tips above to brush up, augment or refresh your communication. Communication is one of the most basic ways that we relate as humans and we do it all day long, so it behooves us to make it as clear, easy and intentional as we can. The ability to communicate your intentions, thoughts and feelings is one of the powerful ways you can express yourself. So the next time you’re under stress, express!

Four Secrets to Success

Businesses and careers cycle through ups and downs, there’s no doubt. Throughout my tenure as an entrepreneur, I’ve observed four myths that stop professionals from being as successful as they could be in their careers. Understanding how these myths operate can help you ride the waves to success with a little more balance and equanimity.

Myth #1: Never give up.

I’m the first to acknowledge that – without a doubt – determination and persistence are fundamental to success in business. However persistence with blinders on can end in disaster. There’s wisdom to the poker saying “Know when to hold ‘em, know when to fold ‘em”. Some circumstances call for moving on, and some circumstances require holding on past what seems endurable.  The secret is to know the difference — look at the situation with an honest eye, discern the signals to hold and understand when to fold.

Myth #2: If it’s not hard, it’s not valuable.

This myth is among the most prevalent that I hear. I’m not sure how the concepts of “hard” and “value” got connected, but they’ve kept many professionals feeling like puppies chasing their tail.  In other words, the intrinsic value of your work has nothing to do with how hard you worked or how easily it came to you. What you produce, the impact you make and how you contribute determine the value of your work.

Myth #3: If it’s right, it should be easy.

Other versions of this myth: “Everyone needs my service, why don’t they hire me?” or “I shouldn’t need to market myself, everyone should just know how great I am and hire me.” This myth boils down to the hope that by being good at what you do, job offers and great careers moves will just show up.  In reality, opportunity tends to knock when you are in the right field, plan your strategy, listen to your gut, heed the advice of those you trust, and take the right actions.

Myth #4: Be realistic. Be logical.

This myth can effectively block new ideas, strategies or brainstorms, often in the form of a thought like, “Oh, that’s crazy” or “I need to be logical”. Thoughts like these repress the spark of creativity that generates a new idea. Release this block by balancing your creativity and intuition with your logic. There’s left brain, analytical logic and right brain, creative logic. Make sure to give credence to both sides.

The secret to success: Don’t buy into the myths. Buy into your worth, believe in your skills, gifts, and talents, and know when to keep going and when to change course.

How’s your alignment at work?

I love going to see my chiropractor for spinal adjustments. After each visit, I notice that I walk more easily. With my spine properly aligned, it takes far less energy for me to move with ease and comfort. Sometimes I don’t even realize how out of alignment I am until after the adjustment.

When your work is in alignment with who you are and what you want, it feels much like the sensation you have when your spine is aligned. As your life synchronizes with what you want, energy flows toward those desires, opportunities open up and life and work require less effort. Mental and emotional alignment is just as efficient as physical alignment.

Here are some clues you may be “out of alignment”.

• If you are bored, it’s usually time for a change.  Boredom is most often a sign of a deeper desire or impulse that is seeking expression.
• Your energy plummets on a regular basis at work or at home or both. If your energy levels are taking nosedive, it’s time to assess whether the cause is physical, mental or emotional.
• What do you want that you haven’t been giving yourself?  This is a sure fire way to take yourself out of alignment.
• You are missing or dismissing potential opportunities before you fully and thoughtfully explore them.

Alignment requires trust, stopping short of self-sabotage, and giving yourself permission to go after what you want. Allow your work to be easier. Get clear about what you want, and move your work into alignment with it. You’ll be working less and reaping more. Who doesn’t want that?

Invest in yourself

I’m a big believer in the transformational capacity of self-knowledge. If you don’t who you are, what you’re good at and what you value, how can you recognize a “good fit” for yourself? We are all capable of so much more than we realize and give ourselves credit for.

What do you want to learn about yourself this year? For example, this year I want to investigate spiritual practices and find one that works for me. You may want to reassess your professional strengths more comprehensively, sharpen your leadership skills or gain a deeper understanding of what alignment would look like for your team or department.

As our economy, culture and environment shift and change, it’s more important now than ever to be fully aware of your natural strengths, abilities and talents. Self-knowledge is a solid investment with lifelong benefit – it doesn’t expire, wear out or become outdated.

How are you going to invest in yourself this year?

What’s the potential?

In preparation for 2011, I’ve been reorganizing my office, having it painted and cleaning off my desk (which is no small feat). In the process, I ran across this quote by the author and columnist Ellen Goodman:

“We spend January 1 walking through our lives, room by room, drawing up a list of work to be done, cracks to be patched. Maybe this year, to balance the list, we ought to walk through the rooms of our lives…not looking for flaws, but for potential.”

What a great idea! Most perceived flaws have a seed of potential couched inside of them. It’s simply a matter of looking at each flaw differently. For example, the next time you’re at work deciding how to solve a problem that’s been hindering your team, department or organization, ask yourself these questions:

1. What’s the opportunity in this problem?
2.  What organizational potential does this problem reveal?
3. If I shift my perspective to one of potential and opportunity, how do my solutions change?

Brick Walls

“The brick walls are not there to keep us out; the brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something.”

~Randy Pausch

Randy Pausch wrote his book The Last Lecture in 2007 when he was dying from pancreatic cancer. If you haven’t read it, I highly recommend it. It’s a great little book on how to take risks and really live. I picked it up again recently and was reminded: If you allow yourself to have dreams, trust yourself to believe in them, and take the required actions, they often come true. Even if you hit a brick wall. Especially when you hit a brick wall. Brick walls show us how resilient we are, require us to source our ingenuity, and ask us to be courageous.

What’s the brick wall you’re facing, and what are you going to do about it?